Update: Wednesday, January 27, 2021

One time in the 2000s, the Tonester and I were invited to participate in a Pagan meetup down in central Texas. We were so excited, we stayed up all night the previous evening to bake a shit-ton of chocolate chip cookies. Then we put on our best black duds and went to the meetup.

When we arrived, we found we were two of the only three men present, and that everyone else at the meetup was a Wiccan. They took one look at our black clothes and our horned pentagram necklaces and thought we were bad news. And they were really weirded out by the fact that we had made so many chocolate chip cookies. They were like, “Who the hell are these devil worshipers, and why did they bring cookies?”

We tried to make friends and explain what we were all about; but things didn’t go well. As soon as we mentioned Set’s name, we received the standard response: “Isn’t He the bad guy of the Egyptian pantheon? Why would you worship the bad guy?” And when we attempted to explain, we were chastised for “not being Pagan enough.” Everything we told them about Ma’at, isfet, and Set’s war against Apep sounded “too Christian” to them. They seemed to think we had simply taken Christianity and replaced Jesus with an Egyptian devil-god. They didn’t believe that anything we were talking about had actually originated from Egypt.

After a while, it became clear that we just weren’t welcome (despite the fact that everyone seemed to enjoy our cookies). So we left and went home. We put so much energy into this event, and we really tried our best to be cordial and make friends. But we were treated like creeps, and it was demoralizing. We never went to another Pagan meetup again after that.

The word Pagan comes from the Latin paganus, which means “country dweller.” When the Roman Empire adopted Christianity as its official state religion, pagan was applied to virtually anyone who refused to convert—with the insinuation being that non-Christians were primitive, backward yokels. No one in history ever referred to themselves as a Pagan until after the Industrial Revolution, when artists of the Romantic movement started incorporating ancient polytheist ideas into their work. Since then, Pagan has become a “catch-all” term for various new religious movements that each take their inspiration from nature and ancient mythology in some way (e.g., Wicca, Druidism, Heathenry, Kemeticism, etc.). It does not actually denote any particular theology, philosophy, or creed; it is simply a collective “safe space” for several religious communities that just don’t feel welcome anywhere else.

So when Pagans alienate other Pagans from this “safe space,” it is especially hypocritical. Even Wiccans know what it is like to have people call Child Protection Services on you simply for identifying as a “witch.” You would think, therefore, that they would be a little more sympathetic to other Pagans who struggle with similar prejudices. But in my experience, people generally deal with persecution by trying to shift it on to somebody else. This ugly tendency is every bit as true of Pagans as it is of other religious communities.

Sometimes when people ask about my religion, they get confused because of all the different terms that can be applied to it. I prefer to identify as a Setian, but I can also be described as a Kemetic polytheist. And of course, I include myself beneath the Pagan umbrella (even though certain other Pagans would prefer that I didn’t). But really, Pagan is my least favorite self-label. It can be very useful for networking purposes; but apart from that, it is practically meaningless.


On Mental Health

For those of you who have been distressed by my posts as of late:

Yes, I have been in a very dark place lately. But Set is mighty, and so am I.

I for one am sick and tired of how we treat mental illness in our culture. Even people I love often do not get the help they need or deserve. Some are hardwired not to even ask for help in the first place because it is ingrained into us from birth that this is a “shameful” thing to admit, perhaps even to oneself.

And then there are the people who you think are dependable and you reach out to them for help, but they simply reject you because “they have their own problems to worry about.”

That is not how people who love each other should behave.

If I can transform my pain to make it easier for others to discuss these issues and find the help they need, then so be it.

I am grateful to each person who has reached out to me during this dark time to show their support.

As for those who cringe and turn away from the things I’ve been posting…Well, you can just mute me or unfollow me if it really bothers you that much. I’m not going to stop expressing myself. Maybe drawing pictures of your feelings would help you cope better with whatever you are struggling with, too. Please give it some thought.

Helping others is the best way to help ourselves. Dua Ma’at!


My Religious Taxonomy

The LV-426 Tradition of Setianism is a fusion of Kemetic polytheist theology with (Setianized) Western occult practices.


Recently a good friend of mine asked me, “What name do you call what you practice, if it fits into any one religion that has a name?”

The simplest and most direct answer to this question is that I identify as a Setian, a person who reveres and works to emulate Set. Given that Set is central to my entire spiritual life, I am Setian in the same way that Christ followers are Christians, or that Shiva devotees are Shaivites. I therefore think of what I do as a type of Setianism. (For more information on Setianism in general, check out Episode #1 of this series.)

But like the words “Christian” or “Shaivite,” there are some contexts in which the word Setian requires further explanation. Not all Christians or Shaivites believe or practice the same things, and neither do all Setians. I think it’s probably fair to say we are mostly divided into two major groups:

  • Setians who are Kemetic polytheists, a term taken from Kemet or “Black Land” (the indigenous name for ancient Egypt). People in this category are more likely to believe Set is actually a real, living force of nature; that He is not “the Egyptian devil”; and that He deserves to be worshiped as a personal deity.
  • Setians who are Western occultists, which means they take more of their inspiration from 20th century sources like Aleister Crowley. People in this category are more likely to think Set is somehow “separate from nature”; that He is “completely 100% opposed to Christianity”; and/or that “true” Setians bow to no gods, not even Set.

And then you have people like me who blur the lines between these categories in certain ways. In my case, my theology and values are very much Kemetic; I treat the Netjeru (the Egyptian gods) as literal beings, and I consider ancient Egyptian literature on Set to be more important than anything Kenneth Grant or Michael Aquino ever wrote about Him. Plus, my entire spirituality is aimed at actually revering and making offerings to Set, not on becoming some kind of “black magician.”

But at the same time, my ritual style—the way I specifically express my reverence for Set in ceremony and prayer—is very much influenced by Western occult sources. I was not yet aware of the Kemetic community when I first came to Set; I was only aware of His occultist followers at the time, and their ritual templates were the first to which I was exposed. I found such examples helpful, but could never quite buy into the claims that “worshiping Set is un-Setian” (!) or that “Set is a force ‘against’ nature” (?) or whatever. (This contradicted the fact that Setians in ancient Egypt very clearly did not believe EITHER of those things.) So in 1997, I started xeroxing all the rituals by Crowley and other occult writers I could find at my local library; then I would go home and repurpose these litanies to suit my devotional intentions.

The Sigil of the LV-426 Tradition

A few years later, my friend the Tonester came to Set and asked for my help in learning how to worship. I showed him how I had been doing things up to that point, and we bonded because neither of us was impressed with the occult community in general. No one we knew who was into this stuff was really interested in worshiping anything but themselves. Many of these same individuals were also manipulative egomaniacs with absolutely zero regard for other people’s mental or emotional well-being. Seeking help or support from anyone was always treated as a “spiritual weakness”—like if you can’t just shake off all that depression or anxiety you’re living with, you can’t be a “real” Setian or something like that. So the Tonester and I both said, “FUCK dem apples; we’ll just start our OWN outfit.” And such is more or less how the LV-426 Tradition of Setianism began, back in 2003.

An LV-426 Walpurgisnacht postcard!

It wasn’t until sometime in the mid-2000s that I met any Kemetic polytheists or became aware of modern reconstructionist groups like the House of Netjer and the Church of the Eternal Source. Learning of this community really blew my mind; here were all these people who actually believed in worshiping the Egyptian gods, and I hadn’t known about them this whole time! And I was impressed by the sheer amount of empathy that Kemetics just seem to feel for each other in general. Things might be different now than they were in the early 2000s; but back then, to speak of having suicidal feelings in a group of left-hand path occultists was to invite them to shame you into “just feeling better,” “getting up and doing something about it,” and/or “leaving if you can’t take the heat.” But to this day, I still see Kemetics supporting each other emotionally through such terrible struggles—something that anyone who claims to love the Gods of Egypt SHOULD be doing (YES, even if your patron Netjer is SET!). Despite any differences in my ritual style, I would much rather hang out with a bunch of Kemetics for an informal Moomas party than attend something like one of the Temple of Set’s annual conclaves.

In summary, the simplest term for my faith is Setianism; but if we want to get really taxonomical about it, my particular kind of Setianism (LV-426) is a unique fusion of Kemetic polytheist theology with (Setianized) Western occult ritual practices. We do not claim to be following “the one true way” of Set or anything like that; this is just OUR way, and others can take it or leave it. But one thing we LV-426ers will NOT tolerate is being told by any Social Darwinist occultniks that THEIR ways of “being Setian” are somehow more “accurate” or “legitimate” than ours. In absolutely any situation where this ignorant claim might arise, we will be sure to correct people accordingly (and mercilessly).

(To paraphrase Ozzy Osbourne: “Tell me I’m a phony? I got news for you: I spoke to Set this evening, and HE DON’T LIKE YOU!”)

As a final note, the LV-426 Tradition is a private fellowship, and membership is by invitation only. This is not because we want to be a “secret society”; it’s because we treat each other as family, and that is not a dynamic people can just develop by sending us a check and applying to join. It usually takes several years for someone we know personally to even realize they are one of us; then we have to all agree with each other before the candidate can be initiated. Sometimes when you’ve had a really bad week, it feels damn good to sob uncontrollably in the presence of Sutekh and your siblings in Him during one of our Sabbats. And this kind of atmosphere is most successful when there aren’t any “might is right” crotchgoblins around, trying to shame people for having problems and needing support.

But while we are extremely protective of whom we allow into our personal lives, we want to share the magic we’ve worked together so that others may benefit from it too. You don’t even have to join us or pay us to learn how we do things; hell, just read this damn website and take notes! If other Setians find our material useful but would like to make changes, I encourage them to do the same thing I did with Crowley or whomever and tinker with the work as they see fit. While I am in no hurry to expand my own coven, I do hope to hear of more like-minded Setian groups popping up across the globe some day.


Trapezoidal Thoughts on Fascist Fuckery

Reclaiming Set’s good name from “secret societies” that like to play “Raiders of the Ark” (but as Nazi characters!), and which have contributed to the normalization of fascism today.


Anton LaVey once codified a concept called “the Law of the Trapezoid.” This refers to the magical power of shapes and spaces that trigger strong reactions of primordial fear, from phobias and apotropaic religious images to German expressionist paintings and gothic horror movie sets. Whatever it is, something is “wrong” about it—it has too many (or not enough) legs or eyes; it reminds us uncomfortably of sex, death, and/or spiritual evil; or something is just “off” about that crooked, pointy hallway in the scary movie you’re watching. Such images provoke fear in most people, but fear is not always a bad thing; it can be a great motivator for self-preservation and change. And some people are even energized by such imagery, finding it beautiful in its own eldritch way. LaVey named this principle after the trapezoid because it is the simplest of all “disturbing” geometric shapes (it does look rather odd, like a decapitated triangle), and he applied it to many of his ceremonies in the Church of Satan. Imagine a religious service where you are scared or shocked right into “enlightenment” in a Halloween spookhouse, and you’ll have a ballpark idea of how this theory was supposed to work in practice.

LaVey was so driven by these observations that he even named the inner circle of his church “the Order of the Trapezoid,” a title Michael Aquino later gave to a particular school within the Temple of Set. The Setian Order of the Trapezoid developed LaVey’s theories on weird geometrical spaces even further, conceptualizing themselves as “knights” on an esoteric “Grail Quest” (where the Grail is equated with a postmortem state of existence comparable to that of the Akhu). The literature that’s been made available to the public touches on everything from H.P. Lovecraft to left-hand path interpretations of Scandinavian mythology, and it’s all tied together with kind of an Indiana Jones vibe. The Order’s take on the Aesir and the Vanir is probably not agreeable to most devotional polytheists who are drawn to said divinities; but that has never been the point for these particular Setians. Their point is to kheper by applying the Law of the Trapezoid to a wide mishmash of things that engage them, but which are mostly related to Germanic and/or Lovecraftian influences.

I will say that the Order of the Trapezoid’s obsession with Nazi occultism is alarming, though perhaps in a more complex way than might be expected. I do not believe Order of the Trapezoid members are actually totalitarian white supremacists; but they have deliberately modeled themselves after Heinrich Himmler’s Ahnenerbe (the Nazi occult think tank that inspired movies like 1981’s Raiders of the Lost Ark), claiming to extrapolate the “positive” aspects of that secret society while discarding its “negative” aspects. This has understandably led outsiders to assume that Order of the Trapezoid members are Nazis, despite their claims of including both Jewish and black people among their membership. But whether members of the Order actually agree with National Socialism or not is almost immaterial; they promote its ethos simply by spotlighting their highly questionable sources so much.

Any Heathen can point you to a wealth of resources on Scandinavian polytheism that are far more advanced and reputable than anything Heinrich Himmler might have been reading back in the 1930s or 1940s. So why bend over backwards so much to “find positive things” about the Ahnenerbe when there are much more excellent resources available? The answer, of course, is that this isn’t really about reclaiming Scandinavian lore from the Nazis at all. It is really just about having an excuse to enjoy Nazi symbolism and memorabilia without considering how such imagery can still harm other people, even when it is completely devoid of any real political content. Even if Order of the Trapezoid members are not Nazis themselves, their activities and publications have certainly encouraged OTHER left-hand path occultists who ARE Nazis to come out of the woodwork. For it wasn’t until the Order of the Trapezoid started scaring people like Isaac Bonewits during the 1980s that other, more extremist cults like the Joy of Satan and the Order of the Nine Angles came into play.

Setians are free to explore whatever spiritualities they like; but I must admit, it gets my back hairs up to think there’s a group of people out there who have taken Set’s name as a part of themselves, yet who also idolize the Ahnenerbe so much. I can definitely agree with the idea that Set and Odin might be “drinking buddies,” so to speak; there are many people who are drawn to Egyptian and Norse gods at the same time, so the idea of combining Kemeticism with Heathenry is nothing new. But I don’t see Set’s mighty red fingerprints on ANYTHING Heinrich Himmler was ever involved in (and frankly, I see nothing of the real Odin in any of that bullshit either). There is simply no good reason to incorporate such drivel into either Setianism or Heathenry. If you really want to walk with Set or Odin, ditch all that volkisch right-wing propaganda and read you some proper university-published archaeology textbooks instead.

Again, just to be clear, I am not accusing Order of the Trapezoid members of actually being Nazis themselves. I have read more than enough of Michael Aquino’s work to know that he never actually praised Hitler, denied the Holocaust, and or called for the extermination of Israel or anything like that. But I AM saying there is most definitely an antisemitic undercurrent to all of this stuff. This is captured in almost every critique Aquino ever wrote about Judaism, which he frequently conflates with Christianity and Islam. Whenever you see someone refer to Judaism as a “Judeo-Christian” religion; or if you see them confuse Judaism with the ancient Hebrew religion; or if they seem to hold Jews responsible for every horrible thing Christians ever did to polytheists throughout history; well then you can reasonably guess that person has probably never tried to understand Judaism on its own terms before. (The baseless claim that “Satan” is a “Hebrew corruption” of “Set-Hen,” a name for Set that Aquino appears to have invented, is also indicative of this bias.) You don’t have to buy into National Socialism to promote antisemitic views like these, and thanks to Aquino, many LHP occultists continue to promote such fallacies at every turn.

Of course, it will be argued by LHP readers that my visceral reaction to their use of National Socialist imagery is proof itself of LaVey’s Law of the Trapezoid at work. Theoretically, they take this disturbing imagery that scares other people away and find ways to benefit from it magically without directly harming anyone. (The argument would likely be that since I find their activities distasteful, I am somehow “lacking” as a Setian.) The trouble is that even without directly harming anyone, such imagery can still harm people indirectly—and for generations to come! By flirting with fascist symbolism so much in the 1980s and 1990s, people like Anton LaVey, Michael Aquino, and Zeena Schreck effectively normalized this ethos among their respective LHP communities. And whenever such hateful imagery is normalized, it becomes much easier for others to take it too seriously and actually become real life monsters. (It doesn’t help that leaders like LaVey, Aquino, and Schreck were all white, with no people of color [publically] joining in on their fascist aesthetic.)

The Order of the Trapezoid prides itself on supposedly presenting its information in such a way as to “protect” the outside world from any negative consequences their controversial magical projects might have. My argument is that if they really cared about keeping anyone “safe” from such fallout, they would never have published any material about this shit in the first place. They would have kept their esoteric tradition completely oral and never allowed any information about their practices to reach the public. If you feel like you gain some kind of spiritual benefit from dressing up like Colonel Klink in your private rituals (even though you really find Nazism deplorable), that is no skin off anyone else’s back. But if you FLAUNT that you are doing this, you really can’t bitch about it when people give you grief, or when OTHER people become RADICALIZED by the signals you are sending them. If my reactions to Nazi imagery exemplify the Law of the Trapezoid, it is only because the misapplication of this “Law” (by those who claim to understand it, no less) has been incredibly destructive to society. We probably wouldn’t have quite so many Proud Boys crawling out of the gutters today if people like LaVey, Aquino, and Schreck hadn’t helped to normalize some of this shit in the first place.

I have already discussed my views on Lovecraftian occultism at greater length in Episode #13 of this series, but here is a brief review. First, Anton LaVey and Michael Aquino both owe a debt to Kenneth Grant, who was really the first occultist to adapt H.P. Lovecraft’s lurid science fiction tales for ritual work. Second, I can see why Lovecraftian figures (Cthulhu, Yog-Sothoth, etc.) would prove useful to occultists who are interested in applying the Law of the Trapezoid to their work. And third, I think such figures are prime “real estate” for qliphothic entities that want to skull-fuck people six ways from Sunday. I think it is best not to play with that sort of thing unless you do it in a controlled environment, with proper banishings and protective circles and stuff.

Matter of fact, the only way I’d allow any Cthulhu caca at one of MY rituals is if we were invoking Apep into something Lovecraftian so we can smash it to bits and pieces, as an execration spell. Such would demonstrate Set’s power to stomp the shit out of ANYTHING, including motherfuckin’ Cthulhu. But I just can’t get behind the idea of actually venerating any Lovecraftian space monsters. Besides, the association of Set with such lore is really a byproduct of the same white Orientalism that has bred things like Robert E. Howard’s “evil snake god Set and evil Snake People tropes. If a time traveling Setian from ancient Egypt were to witness all these white people in Nazi regalia, invoking Set as “Nyarlathotep” so they can somehow “escape” the natural universe, I am pretty sure they would NOT approve.

Furthermore, Setians don’t need to bastardize Heathenry to practice our faith. Everything we need to theoretically become powerful multidimensional beings after death is already included in Kemetic lore. We should not be equating Set with any Norse deities, for there is just never going to be a perfect match in that respect. (I personally link Him more closely to Thor and Loki than to Odin; but again, Set is identical to none.) We do not need to make up things about Valhalla to describe the afterlife scenarios we hope to enjoy, as these are more than adequately captured in Egyptian references to the Imperishable Ones. And we certainly have no good reason to promote any “legitimized” versions of early 20th century white supremacist propaganda, given that everything about our religion comes down to us from a highly advanced North African people of color.

We also don’t really need the Lovecraft stuff either (except as entertainment, of course). Kemetic lore is already full of alternate universes, qliphothic monsters, and sacred geometry. In fact, Khepesh (the Big Dipper, sacred to Set) might even be called “trapezoidal” insofar as it is a strange angular shape that represents something scary (Set’s raging deicidal power) being put to a positive use (warding off Apep, which tries to sneak into the material world through the northern sky). Then there’s the fact that the chisels for Opening the Mouths of the dead were modeled after this same “trapezoidal” symbol, which brings us back to the idea of becoming Imperishable Ones and gettin’ rowdy with Sutekh up there in His Desert. See how I just did all that without including any Norse gods, Nazis, or Cthulhian beasties? I rest my fuckin’ case.

I am sure some readers will no doubt find my stance on these topics to be incredibly close-minded. After all, Set loves autonomy and diversity right? So I should even accept things I personally find unacceptable, or so the logic seems to go. The answer to that is a hard NO. I know good and well I won’t change any minds that don’t want to be changed; but I can’t claim to respect Ma’at if I don’t denounce isfet whenever I see it. And there is an AWFUL lot of isfet to be seen in LHP romanticizations of Nazism (political, magical, and artistic). This sort of thing should NEVER be romanticized, for it has NOTHING to do with Set, and it has EVERYTHING to do with His eternal enemy, that rancid fucker Apep.


Midnight Mass

A Setian midnight mass performed and recorded for an imaginary AM radio station.


Available at


Good evening.

For tonight’s episode of “In the Desert of Set,” we are brought to you live from the First Typhonian Anabaptist Church of Grover’s Mill, Pennsylvania by Hem Sutekh Radio, WZLP AM 770.

We now give you Reverend G.B. Marian, Priest of Set in the LV-426 Tradition, who will now lead tonight’s Midnight Mass.

Happy Holidays from LV-426!


Shedding Skin With the Snake God (and Snake People!)

Thoughts on Nehebukau, the holy Snake God, and the concept of Snake People, with an analysis of their appropriation by modern pop culture and conspiracy theorists. 


It’s important to understand that snakes are not a universal symbol of “evil” in Kemetic or ancient Egyptian lore. Actually they are more like angels, a special class of preternatural being. There are good snakes like Wadjet and Meretseger who serve Atum-Ra the Creator; and there are also bad snakes that serve Apep and who seek to disintegrate all things. One story of Nehebukau is that He was originally one of the bad snakes; but this was only because of a pinched nerve in His spine that was hurting Him real bad, making Him terribly grouchy. Eventually, Ra healed Nehebukau by touching His back and fixing that nerve, and the latter has been a good and holy snake ever since, working Ma’at and assisting sentient beings through their various kheperu or transformations in life and the afterlife (what might be called a “shedding of skins”). In this way, Nehebukau fits right in with some of the other gods I hold most dear. Like Set and Taweret, He’s kind of like a monster that learned to be better, and who is in a very unique position to empathize with humans in our struggles against isfet

Dua Nehebukau! Hail, sweet Soul Serpent!

To be clear: when I refer to “the Snake God,” I am referring to Nehebukau, and not to the monster Apep. When I refer to “the Chaos Serpent,” the situation is reversed. The distinction here is that Nehebukau is a proper god or Netjer, while Apep is more like an “ungod.” If it confuses anyone that I would use “snake” and “serpent” in different ways like this, just remember the comparison to angels above. Nehebukau is no mere angel (and neither is Apep for that matter), but one might say Nehebukau is a Snake God in the same way that Gabriel is a “holy angel,” while Apep is a Chaos Serpent in the same way that Satan is a “fallen angel.” There are additional good male snake gods among the Netjeru as well (e.g., Geb, Mehen, etc.); but as I have not personally interacted with any of them myself, Nehebukau is the particular Netjer I mean to invoke when I write “Snake God” in capital letters. 

A good cat slaying Apep the Chaos Serpent—not to be confused with Nehebukau the Snake God!

Prior to collaborating with Setken on Hymn To The Soul Serpent (Hymn To Nehebukau), I don’t recall actually being that cognizant of Nehebukau before. I recall seeing Him in Egyptian art in His winged, double-headed serpent form from time to time; but it wasn’t until my exposure to Setken’s artistry that I remember seeing the Snake God depicted in a humanoid form (as exemplified in Setken’s Study For The Netjeru!: Nehebukau). Apart from just being really fucking beautiful, Setken’s paintings spoke to something buried deep within the furthest regions of my memory. It was not until we were almost ready to release Hymn to the Soul Serpent that I suddenly realized just what these sacred icons were actually reminding me of. 

Available at gbmarian.bandcamp.com

(When Setken first proposed the Hymn to the Soul Serpent project to me, I mistook him for saying “Nekhebet,” and I immediately started studying footage of vultures for inspiration. When I realized my mistake, I apologized to to Nehebukau profusely, even though I am reasonably certain He wasn’t actually offended. But perhaps some kind of project for Nekhebet might be on the horizon!)

This is probably going to get me into trouble (more on this later), but I’ve had a fascination with the idea of reptile people for as long as I can remember. I think my first exposure to this was from watching He-Man and the Masters of the Universe. I also collected the dolls (or “action figures,” if it really bothers other men so much), and my absolute favorites were the Snake Men. King Hiss looked like a normal dude, but his entire torso came apart to reveal his true form as a writhing mass of vipers. Tung Lashor had a super-long poison tongue that came rocketing out of his mouth when you operated the button on his back. And Rattlor’s neck could extend with quite some force, rendering him somewhat hazardous around children’s eyeballs. These characters were not featured in the He-Man cartoons, but the dolls came with miniature comic books that explained their background stories and such. 

According to the comic that came with King Hiss, the Snake Men are native to He-Man’s homeworld, Eternia, and they controlled a powerful empire long before the reign of King Randor. They were banished to some alternate dimension, but the evil wizard Skeletor found a way to bring them back. Thanks to He-Man, Skeletor only succeeded in facilitating the return of three Snake Men: King Hiss, Tung Lashor, and Rattlor. The Snake Men then launched a campaign to return the rest of their kind to Eternia, so they could invade and enslave humanity once more.

Is any of this starting to sound familiar to you yet? In Episode #10 of this series, I discuss one of my least favorite anti-Setian tropes in popular culture: the theme of an “evil snake god” called “Set” who was banished to an alternate dimension, who has legions of “Serpent Men” under his command, and who seeks to return and invade the world of human beings. This theme originates from the short fantasy fiction of Robert E. Howard (creator of Conan the Cimmerian and Kull the Conqueror), and it gained even more traction when Marvel Comics was licensed to adapt Howard’s fiction into its own fictional universe in the 1970s. Since then, the “Set and His evil Serpent Men” trope has emerged in countless cartoons, movies, role-playing games, and science fiction TV shows. He-Man and the Masters of the Universe, with its Snake Men and their tyrannical King Hiss, just happens to be the most obvious example of this trend.

One thing I disliked about He-Man was the fact that these Snake Men were bad guys. I have always loved snakes, especially the non-lethal ones like garter snakes, and I always thought it would be neat if these characters could have been heroes instead. I remember imagining my own Saturday morning cartoon shows where the heroes were all benevolent Snake People (with badass edgy names like Queen Hissteria and Big Bad Mamba), and the bad guys were just normal-looking humans. Curiously, the animated He-Man series does feature another race of snake people, the Reptons, who are peaceful and kind. (One of them, Kobra Khan, is one of Skeletor’s goons; but the show makes it clear that Khan is just a bad egg, and the rest of the Reptons are cool.) But when it comes to stories that add a little more dimension to this concept than what I usually expect, my life changed forever when I saw Doctor Who.

No, I’m not talking about the newer Who series that’s been in production since 2005. I speak to you of those lost long days when the only way you could catch Doctor Who here in the States was by watching PBS and sitting through all those passive aggressive pledge drives they used to do, where they’d threaten us with no Doctor Who ever again if we didn’t call in to buy that nifty coffee mug with the disappearing TARDIS. During the Jon Pertwee years, there were two serials that dealt with the theme of reptile people specifically: The Silurians and The Sea Devils, written by Malcolm Hulke. In the first of these adventures, the Doctor (who is currently stuck on earth with an inoperative TARDIS) learns there was another intelligent species that ruled this planet long before humans evolved from apes. These reptile people are not aliens, but native to earth. They went into hibernation deep underground when their advanced astronomy detected the incoming comet that eventually wiped out the dinosaurs. Their machines were supposed to awaken them shortly after the disaster, but a malfunction caused them to remain in suspended animation until they were accidentally revived by human nuclear testing during the 1970s. 

“Hey it’s OK, these guys are sailors. If we get ’em laid, we won’t have any trouble!”

Having resurfaced, the reptile people are understandably distressed to find their planet invaded by ultraviolent hairless apes. Some of them are willing to try and co-exist with us peacefully, and the Doctor tries his best to facilitate an arrangement to this effect. But racists on both the human and reptilian sides of this dispute eventually stifle this hope, with the reptiles unleashing their biological warfare upon us, and the humans bombing all the rest of their hibernation chambers. In the second of these serials, the Doctor encounters another tribe of reptile people who belong to an aquatic subspecies, and the whole thing starts all over again. (Things are made even worse this time by the Master, played by Roger Delgado, who actively seeks to escalate the conflict between humans and reptilians.) Doctor Who lore is curiously divided as to how the reptilian characters in these stories are to be identified, but when I was a kid at least, I always went by the Malcolm Hulke novelizations, which refer to the land-dwelling reptilians as Silurians and their oceanic cousins as Sea Devils. 

I remember CRYING a lot whenever I watched these episodes of Doctor Who, to the point that my parents were concerned I was actually scared and would have nightmares. But while I did find this stuff disturbing, it wasn’t because it was scary; it was because it was sad. I thought the Silurians and the Sea Devils were cool, and I wanted things to work out so that everybody can share this planet together and get along. I will admit that I was very young at the time, and I didn’t yet grasp that this was all just make-believe. But I also remember that when I got a little older and I first learned about some of the colonialist atrocities that have been (and still are) perpetuated against Native Americans, my initial reaction was to reflect back on Malcolm Hulke’s stories and the profound emotional reactions they invoked in me. The difference, though, is that THIS WAS FUCKING REAL, it ACTUALLY HAPPENED, it is most certainly NOT make-believe. And learning THAT horrible truth (in addition to others) has kept me awake at night far more than any scary TV show ever could. (Somehow, I sense that if I could ask Malcolm Hulke about this today, he would tell me this was exactly his point in writing these awesome stories.) 

Incidentally, the Silurians and Sea Devils return in a few later Doctor Who adventures, but Malcolm Hulke had nothing to do with these serials, and I am not really a fan. In the 1983 episode Warriors of the Deep, the Fifth Doctor (Peter Davison) ends up wiping out two combined tribes of terrestrial and aquatic reptilians all at once. Sure, Davison makes a fantastic Doctor, and he clearly doesn’t WANT to commit genocide against the reptilians; but he does it anyway, and it’s gross, and there is no text or subtext about colonialism anywhere to be seen. It’s just “We gotta kill the people with animal heads so the humans can live.” This leaves the whole story feeling way too hollow and mean-spirited for my tastes. 

Decades later, the new Doctor Who series re-introduced the Silurians during the Matt Smith era. These episodes deal with Malcolm Hulke’s creations much more respectfully, and I really enjoy the idea of a badass lady Silurian living in Victorian England and kicking hiney to help the Doctor save the world and stuff. I believe they even wrote it that at some point in Earth’s future history, humans and reptilians really do learn to co-exist. This is definitely a major victory as far as my inner child is concerned; but I just can’t stand the new makeup design for the Silurians. Old Silurians (and Sea Devils) actually look like people with reptile heads, much like the Serpent Men from Conan and the Snake Men from Masters of the Universe. The new versions are really just people with reptile skin, and they don’t resemble the beloved creatures from my childhood enough to resonate. Still, I do enjoy the fact that Doctor Who‘s reptile people have at least been vindicated in terms of their collective story arc after all these years. 

Another show in which Robert E. Howard’s Serpent Men resurface is Hasbro’s G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero. In the 1987 animated film adaptation of the popular cartoon series, it is revealed that the international terrorist organization Cobra is really just a front for an ancient civilization called Cobra-La, which of course was populated by Snake People. These reptilians naturally seek to reclaim what they perceive to be their stolen earth, and the entire history of Cobra as a human totalitarian human regime is really just one more phase in their long game.

I don’t remember owning any G.I. Joe dolls, but I remember really enjoying the cartoon and its huge ensemble of diverse and fairly well-developed characters (especially my first true love, the Baroness Anastasia Cisarovna). But imagine my surprise when I learned that Cobra wasn’t actually created by Hasbro, which launched the toyline. Rather, it was “invented” by Marvel Comics, which was commissioned to write a story for Hasbro when it re-launched its catalogue in the 1980s. The writers at Marvel pointed out that the heroes needed some villains to fight if there were going to be any story worth telling; and for lack of any better alternative, they more or less cloned the concept of Hydra—the terrorist organization battled by superhero teams like the Avengers—and re-named it “Cobra.” 

Like Cobra, Hydra was originally founded by ancient reptilians, who later infiltrated human governments for their own purposes, including that of Nazi Germany. Then there’s the fact that many of Hydra’s most infamous members are named after snakes in one way or another, including Viper/Madame Hydra, Gorgon, Anaconda, etc. But there’s an extra layer here: the Serpent Men who founded Hydra turn out to be the very same Serpent Men who serve the “evil snake god” Set in Howard’s Kull and Conan tales. This bastardization of Set has even appeared throughout Marvel Comics as an actual character for superheroes like the Avengers to fight. This is ironic given that the real Egyptian god Set also makes a personal appearance in an episode of G.I. Joe; but as discussed in Episode #10, G.I. Joe was much much closer to the mark! Its version of Set doesn’t appear to be involved with the civilization of Cobra-La, either. 

Now I must return to my earlier point about how writing about all of this will probably get me into some trouble with some people. (It’s okay, I don’t really care—this is all for Nehebukau, to whom I shall return in just a moment!) I am sure readers in the know are already chomping at the bit for me to touch on reptilian humanoid conspiracy theories and the bizarre subcultures they have bred in real life. I’m referring of course to the belief some people have that there are actual reptilians living among us here on earth. These people mostly take their cue from the exact same source: David Icke, a pseudoscientist and total huckster. Since the late 1990’s, Icke has popularized this belief that reptilians from a planet orbiting Alpha Draconis invaded our planet way back in ancient times. They were mistakenly worshiped as “gods” by “wayward” people like the ancient Egyptians, and they continue to infiltrate modern human governments (including the entire Bush family, no less). Furthermore, this ancient alien reptile conspiracy is supposed to kidnap little children and drain them of their spinal fluid so it can be fed to Hillary Clinton, who is herself alleged to be a reptilian warlord in disguise. (Icke even manages to tie his evil reptilians together with Nazi Germany somehow, which explains the trope of Adolf Hitler secretly floating around the Arctic in submarines with reptile people.)

If you ever see this book lurking around your neighborhood, set it on fire. (The book, not your neighborhood.)

There are so many things wrong with David Icke’s bullshit, it’s impossible for me to address each particular grievance in today’s sermon. But my most immediate critiques are that Icke’s take on ancient civilizations is hopelessly racist; his encouragement of secularized Satanic Panic nonsense is absolutely deporable; and worst of all, domestic terrorists have adopted his anti-reptilian routine, trying to assassinate politicians they believe are reptilians. Yet there is something else wrong with all of this that should hopefully be CRYSTAL fucking clear by this point, given everything I have already explained above:

It’s ALL fiction, and NONE of it is original. 

Robert E. Howard made a lot of this crap up back in the 1920s. Then Marvel Comics came along and made up some more in the 1970s. Then a bunch of Saturday morning cartoons boosted the signal for it during the 1980s. And of course there have been countless other science fiction authors and media properties that have played around with the concept in one way or another. David Icke never wrote any of his conspiracy theory bullshit until the late 1990s, by which point the meme had already been well established in popular culture. So it’s pretty fucking clear that he plagiarized his entire routine from a bunch of cartoons and comic books. And the assholes who are willing to kill people over this shit are really doing it for nothing. 

Don’t know about this guy’s politics…But his profile is kickin’!

Here’s the thing: I do not actively believe there are any reptilian humanoids living on this earth, or at least not in the sense of “ancient aliens” (more on this below). I’m not saying it isn’t possible; I just haven’t found any evidence to substantiate such an idea. But even if I did, I would quicker assume such entities are just as native to this world as we are, and that they have just as much right to be here as we do. I don’t believe any of this nonsense about aliens controlling human governments; human beings are the single most dangerous creatures on this planet, we don’t need extraterrestrials to make us any better at wreaking havoc. If there ARE any Snake People around, they’re probably HIDING from us because they’re fucking SCARED TO DEATH of us! 

And to assume that an entire sentient race would be inherently evil simply because it evolved from reptiles is, to call a spade a spade, racist. WE evolved from motherfucking APES, and apes do some pretty fucked-up shit you know. Maybe it’s just because I grew up learning important lessons about these things from Captain Jean-Luc Picard; but I see no reason to assume a civilized reptilian people would be any worse at respecting Ma’at or fighting isfet than civilized simian peoples apparently are. (I can already read the emails from Icke’s zombie followers, skewering me for being some dumb, deluded PR boy for the Visitors who want to eat me and my family!)

The thing is, there are other people who believe in real reptilians so to speak, and who hold more sensible views about them than anything offered by David Icke. The most prevalent example of this would be Hindu, Buddhist, and other Asian religious belief systems that acknowledge the Nagas. These semi-divine creatures can appear as snakes, people, or any variety of human/serpentine hybrid. They are believed to have pre-existed humans, and while they can be good or evil just like us, most of them appear to be dutiful servants of the Devas (the Hindu gods). They enjoy living in rivers, lakes, oceans and raindrops, and they guard all kinds of ancient knowledge and treasures. Though they are not necessarily gods, the Nagas are often venerated with offerings, which helps to attract good fortune. Much of this is echoed in Chinese folk beliefs about dragons, as well. Lóng or Chinese dragons are also shapeshifters who can appear human and who bring good luck to those who show them the proper gratitude and respect.

I first learned about the Nagas not from a textbook or a cartoon show, but from my best friend in second grade, a boy named Pawan. Pawan and his family were Indian American immigrants and deeply observant Hindus. I remember seeing various images of the Devas whenever I visited their apartment. I do not recall which sect or tradition Pawan and his family might have followed (and being only eight years old or so, I lacked the head space to even formulate such a question at the time). But I remember asking Pawan’s mother to tell me about the Nagas, and she seemed really happy to share some stories with me. It must have been crazy to have this weird little white boy from next door take such a genuine interest in her family’s culture and heritage! 

But then I would go home and tell my parents about this stuff. For some reason, they were only okay with such beliefs as long as it was Pawan and his family practicing them. I received every indication that it is only acceptable for white people to be Christians and believe in one god, even though neither of my parents has ever been a committed religious believer of any kind. Much later I would meet some of David Icke’s followers (most of whom are white), who insisted to me that both Naga and Lóng veneration is really just another part of the evil reptilian plot to murder children and keep the world hypnotized. When these people claim that Asians are actually venerating evil demons or aliens—or if they suggest that such religious traditions are “beneath” white people for any reason—they are blatantly endorsing Christian white supremacism; full stop.

Even Nehebukau Himself was given the Marvel Comics treatment!

Furthermore, neither the Nagas nor the Lóng are space aliens that ride around in spaceships. There are no tales about them eating people or operating any nefarious shadow governments. They are nature spirits and religious figures, not science fiction monsters. The same is true of other Snake People who are acknowledged in other cultures too, including African Mami Wata spirits and Native American horned serpents. This begs the question: could the ancient Egyptians have believed in something similar? There doesn’t appear to be any specific term in Egyptian for “serpent man” or “snake person” (or at least not that I have found just yet); but perhaps this would have been redundant. The Egyptians appear to have regarded normal, everyday snakes as sentient creatures with magical powers. How else could serpents be held accountable to Ma’at, with the good snakes serving Ra and the evil snakes following Apep? This distinction makes little sense, at least to me, unless we stop to consider that maybe snakes are actually people too!

Which helps me circle back to the Netjeru. It is curious that I never felt drawn to any particular Egyptian snake deities until Setken first proposed that we collaborate on his Hymn to the Soul Serpent project together. Only then did it occur to me that everything I ever needed to justify my enthusiasm for snakes (whether as animals, sentient beings, or magical anthropoids) is already included in the belief system I already follow. And when I laid eyes on Setken’s humanoid portrayals of Nehebukau, I was taken back to those far-off days when I would play with my Snake Men dolls; when I would weep over the Silurians and the Sea Devils; when I secretly rooted for Cobra or Hydra as reptilian freedom fighters; and when I listened to Pawan’s mother explain to me about the Nagas. Could it be that Nehebukau was looking in on me even back then, thinking, “This is the kid I want to co-write a song for Me someday”? Could it have been His double-headed wisdom that helped me see through all of David Icke’s bullshit when it was first presented to me? Hell; I reckon Set and Nehebukau probably both had all of this arranged somehow before I was even born!

Writing one song isn’t all I think I am meant to do, either. I think Nehebukau has probably put all of this stuff into my brain for some kind of purpose, and I mean to put it to use somehow. This very likely means another album will soon be in the works. I always wanted to make movies when I grew up; and failing that, I enjoy adapting some of my old story pitches from childhood into “soundtracks” for films that don’t exist (as with Summer’s End and His Nocturnal Majesty, with which I am very happy). I’ve successfully introduced the crimefighting mummy Het-Sem-Peckinpah to the world, as well as the mysterious Knights In Sutekh’s Service. Now that my Halloween and apocalypse “movies” have been taken care of, so to speak, perhaps it is time to revisit my old sword-and-sorcery “movie” pitch as well. It could be that Queen Hissteria, Big Bad Mamba, and other Saurian Warriors of Basilisk Basilica will soon be making an appearance…

Looks like Nehebukau be shakin’ His booty for Wadjet and Meretseger!